What makes a healthy relationship? It’s not a simple question. But a good place to start when thinking about what it takes to be in a healthy relationship is empathy; that is, our ability to connect with our partner, spouse, or significant other. At a foundational level, empathy exists as a mechanism that allows us to understand and relate to others. It is the necessary precursor to intimacy, trust, and belonging. It is also the feeling that makes it difficult to ignore the suffering of others.
What is Empathy?
Empathy is the capacity to understand, be aware of, sensitive to, and vicariously experience the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of another person without having those thoughts, feelings, or experiences fully communicated in an explicit manner. Put simply, it is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.
What are the Three Types of Empathy?
Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have postulated three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. Cognitive empathy, also known as empathetic accuracy, involves having an accurate knowledge of another person’s mind and feelings. Emotional empathy involves the ability to sense another person’s emotions and our own at the same time, and hold both in our bodies. Compassionate empathy is what most people immediately think of when they hear the word ‘empathy.’ It means feeling another person’s pain and taking action to help them.
Why is empathy important?
Empathy is important because it helps us understand what our partner is feeling so we can respond appropriately to them. In relationships, empathy can lead to emotional intimacy. In fact, research suggests being able to understand your partner's emotions deepens intimacy and boosts relationship satisfaction. It is also fundamental to resolving conflicts. Empathy is a building block of connection between partners.
5 Ways to Build Empathy for Your Partner
1. Become an active listener: active listening is a great tool for building empathy for your partner. Being an active listener keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way.
2. Challenge prejudices & stereotypes: Not only will it make your conversations more lively, but it will give you both the opportunity to re-examine long held beliefs for any potential flaws.
3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable: This one is huge in relationships. Your ability to be vulnerable with your partner creates a stable connection between the two of you. Also, it creates a space between you both to be vulnerable with one another.
4. Share your feelings, a.k.a. spend time in another’s shoes: This is vital to finding better understanding with your significant other. If you can emotionally connect to how your partner is feeling, then you can build a stronger connection together.
5. Take action and offer help: It’s not only important to listen, be vulnerable, and share your feelings—part of being in a relationship is acting upon what your partner is saying or even offering to help. But it doesn’t mean you have to do everything or even to find a solution! Sometimes just listening and offering help is enough.
Empathy is the Foundation of Healthy Relationships.
Empathy is a necessary precursor to intimacy, trust, and belonging. It enables us to not turn a blind eye to the pain of others, especially our partner. Empathy requires compassion, without which couples cannot develop a strong bond.
Build a Better Relationship with Your Significant Other!
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