Many people wonder, “does marriage counseling work?” It’s a fair and reasonable question. Relationship counseling involves a great deal of financial and emotional investment. But asking “does marriage counseling work?” is a bit like asking, “does taking medication work?” And the answer, of course, is that it depends. What type of medication are you taking? What are you taking it for? Are you taking it as prescribed?
In order to determine the appropriate medication for a condition, your doctor would need to properly diagnose the problem. Then they would need to prescribe the medication that works best with the least side-effects. After your doctor prescribes the medication, you would actually have to take the medication in order to see the benefits.
Just like proper diagnosis is the first step in treating a medical condition, assessment is foundational to marriage counseling work. In marriage therapy, I begin working with couples by completing an exhaustive assessment of their relationship in order to accurately pinpoint areas of strength in the relationship as well as identifying areas that need improvement.
Different types of therapy
There are many different types of couple therapy and it can be confusing determining which type of relationship counseling is right for you. I use the Gottman method of marriage counseling because I believe that it has the best evidence-base based on decades of research. Gottman method therapy is effective with couples struggling with high levels of conflict, rebuilding broken trust, and emotional disengagement.
Using treatment methods that are backed by research, I tailor Gottman method relationship therapy to your unique relationship needs. I use research-based methods while working with couples because I want you to see tangible results of our work together, in the shortest period of time. I will help you learn new tools of interaction that strengthen your relationship. But in order for relationship therapy to work, you actually have to use these tools in your relationship interactions to see results.
Relationship goals in therapy
The particular goals for therapy are as unique as your relationship. However, relationship goals in therapy broadly fall under three categories: strengthening your friendship with your partner, learning tools to promote effective communication and conflict management, and building a sense of shared meaning in the relationship.
1) Strengthening Your Friendship
For many couples the rituals that maintain friendship with your partner are the first to go when life gets busy. When was the last time you and your partner had time to talk about anything besides what to get at the grocery store and who is going to drop the kids off at soccer practice? Part of rebuilding your friendship with your partner involves deepening your understanding of your partner’s psychological world. Strengthening your friendship with your partner is key to improving emotional support in relationships.
2) Effective Communication & Conflict Management
Communication in relationships is one of the top areas of difficulty in long-term partnerships. Research demonstrates that the vast majority of conflicts in relationships involve unsolvable problems. These are conflicts based on inherent differences in temperament, preferences, and personality. For example, you may prefer active vacations (backpacking, skydiving, sailing) while your partner’s version of bliss is a week on a Caribbean beach with a novel and a cocktail. Neither of these preferences is wrong--but it could cause conflict when it comes to planning your next trip.
The key to a successful relationship is learning how to manage these unsolvable conflicts in a constructive way so that the conflict does not damage the relationship.
3) Building a Sense of Shared Meaning
In happy long-term relationships, partners intentionally help each other achieve their individual life dreams. The relationship becomes a supportive environment where each partner feels empowered to follow their dreams.
In addition to supporting each other in reaching your dreams, relationships involve building a meaningful life together. You and your partner create your own family culture that is based on your personal background, preferences, and your shared dreams for the future. Collectively, you and your partner get to choose how to spend your time, money, and precious emotional energy.
You and your partner get to decide what a meaningful life together looks like.
Marriage Counseling
Interested in marriage counseling? Click below to schedule your free 15-minute marriage counseling consultation.
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