If you’re in a troubled relationship you may feel a sense of ambivalence about staying in the relationship. Perhaps you feel that you’ve fallen out of love. Maybe you and your partner are fighting all the time. It can be confusing to know how to proceed. You may find yourself fantasizing about having a different life with a new partner. But it may be that you still feel love and affection for your partner. It can feel like you don’t even know your own mind or that your mind keeps on changing. And it may seem like you are caught between two equally painful options: 1) stagnating in an unhappy relationship or 2) ending the relationship.
Reasons Why People Stay in Unhappy Relationships
There are many reasons why people remain in unhappy relationships. Some people have a high level of conscientiousness or moral beliefs about remaining committed to their partner. This is particularly true for religious couples who may have moral beliefs about marriage and divorce. Couples with children, in particular, can feel an obligation to stay together “for the kids” in order to spare them the pain of a “broken family.” Still others remain in unhappy partnerships due to a fear of being alone or a fear that they will never find a different partner. Others remain married due to financial constraints.
I'm Not Happy in My Relationship. What do I do?
Long term relationships have normal ups and downs. You might go through periods in the relationship when you feel more or less in love with your partner. However, in happy long term relationships, the positive feelings you derive from the relationship should outweigh the negative. You may have rough patches, but storms pass and you and your partner rediscover what brought you together in your relationship.
Unhappy relationships can remain persistently negative for months or even years. Over time, unhappy relationships can lead to increases in stress, resentment, and even depression. With these types of relationships, it’s unlikely that the relationship will improve without direct intervention. As the saying goes, if you change nothing, nothing changes.
There’s Another Way: What Couples Therapy Can Do For You.
If you find yourself feeling unhappy, frustrated, and ambivalent about your relationship, it’s important to know that there are alternative options to staying stuck in the status quo of the relationship or ending the relationship entirely.
Couples therapy can help you and your partner learn new ways of relating to one another. You can learn tools to manage conflict and halt the destructive interactions that are tearing down your love for each other. You can learn how to give and receive emotional support from your partner. And it is possible to fall in love again.
It takes time, effort, and a lot of work. But your happiness, your partner’s happiness, and your family’s happiness is worth it. You’re worth it.
Couples Counseling Really Works!
Interested in marriage counseling? Click below to schedule your free 15-minute marriage counseling consultation.
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